My Giddy Aunt

The village I grew up in was a hotbed of gossip and my Great Aunt Lillian often the hottest topic. This is the first of many of her escapades.

Like all families we had a relative problem – my Great Aunt Lillian. My mother was heard to say on many occasions “Oh my giddy aunt! Not again. What will the neighbours think?” when she had caused some supposed embarrassment in the village.

The locals treated her like a living soap opera. They laughed at her exploits in the local pub on Sunday mornings; discussed them in the doctor’s surgery; on the bus or waiting in the supermarket queue. Lillian had always been seen as a rich source of entertainment. They all knew her and some avoided her, but I think most were quite proud of their acquaintance with a true eccentric and that was what she was. She had, over the years, provided them with endless stories to entertain their neighbours, dinner guests and relations, but we were the family who had to live with her.

I loved my Aunt and was secretly proud of the fact that she was not like everyone else. I have always looked on her as a role model. I wanted to be like her when I grew old, not like the dull fuddy-duddy women who let old age take them over. Lillian would not let Attila the Hun take her over; let alone Old Father Time.

Ninety-one and counting – that was the age she admitted to just before she died. I know that in the distant past she had taken years off but latterly I suspect she began putting just a few on to give her status. Lillian was always the consummate actress; she could be a she-devil or an aged angel. She switched like a multi-personality freak so you were never bored in her company. Surprised sometimes, but never bored.

Heaven's not quite ready for Great Aunt Lillian

She frequently talked to God on a one to one basis, just like the little priest Don Camillo, and I am sure that she informed him how things would stand in Heaven when she eventually quit this mortal coil and got there to organise things. I feel that God left her with us so long because he could not quite pluck up courage to gather her to his bosom. Secretly I always thought that he hoped that she would, given enough time, commit some major sin so that he would be able, with a clear conscience, send her down to the opposition but I am not sure that the Devil would be up to a meeting with Lillian either.

When nobody wanted to stand out from the crowd, Lillian did. There was no question about it, she was known to the police, the church and the local council.

In our politically correct world she would have been in court on a regular basis for one reason or another or on the front page of the tabloids. She was not mad but extremely eccentric and was known by everyone as old Mother Auger. Back then she was free to indulge her eccentricities to her heart’s content and we kids loved her for it. Secretly we were proud of her notoriety – it meant we were somehow famous as a family and like everyone else in the village we loved to hear of her latest exploits.

Author: Jay Cassie

Cartoon by: Garry Davies - garry.davies657@tiscali.co.uk