Inspiring People

Falling out of love at 50

by Charlotte Friedman

Traditionally infidelity has been the main reason cited for divorce in the UK, however this year, 'falling out of love' is the key cause.

This sudden change in divorce behaviour raises many questions about the possible reasons behind it.

Work pressures and the recession

Could added financial and work pressures brought on by the recession have contributed to this change? Or is it impossible to maintain excitement and passion for 20 or 30 years of child care, work problems, money worries, concerns for elderly relatives and perhaps illness? Is there a need when over 50 to feel as alive as you did when you were 25? Can thoughts of how you felt when you were younger make your marriage feel staid and dull? As romance and good times become more scarce, a relationship can easily begin to lose its gloss.

It will be a painful event

Whatever the reason for your breakup one thing is clear – it is one of the most painful life events that anyone will ever have to endure. Feelings of disappointment, anger and grief are exhausting. There are now many more divorces of people over 50 than there have ever been. People simply ‘wake up’ after years of running around and find they have fallen out of love. Help though is at hand and you are not alone. Divorce Support Group offers help to people struggling to cope with the emotional impact of their divorce. Counselling sessions are offered up and down the country to both men and women. You can join a small local support group discuss your divorce with others who are going through the same experience, or choose to have individual sessions instead.

Where to find help

Charlotte Friedman, Founder of Divorce Support Group says 'We work with people of all ages to help get them through what will often be one of the hardest times of their lives emotionally. Many people in our groups find it difficult to keep on talking to friends and family and don't want to run the risk of overburdening them. People come to us and find they can talk to like-minded people and councilors who will listen, offer support and help them find ways to move through it'. Divorce Support Group offers small support groups or individual face to face counselling and even telephone support.

After 28 years of marriage

My husband and I had been together for 28 years when we made the decision to divorce. The last of our three children had left home four years ago and we suddenly had more time on our hands to spend together. Despite all our spare time we found we rarely made plans together and would often end up watching television is different rooms in the evenings.

Our communications became less and less over the years. We were living completely separate lives after four years and I feel my husband lost any interest in what was left of our relationship.

The first year of separation was tough as I had always had my husband there and missed the companionship, even though I knew the relationship was no longer good for either of us. I didn't think it was fair to involve the children in what I was going through and found talking to friends difficult as they couldn't quite understand.

Finding support

I found Divorce Support Group online and attended a support group. I was able to discuss how devastated I was and how fearful I felt about my future. Divorce Support Group really helped me. I'm feeling a lot stronger now and am extremely grateful for the support I received from the Group. I met such nice people that even though the group has ended, we still see each other. I feel more like my old self and I am beginning to look forward to what life may bring.